application...house boy needed for 3115

Last Name: _____________________
Middle Initial: ____
First Name: _____________________

1. Position Applied For: ___ Eye Candy ___ Tattletale ___ Sucker ___ Head Cheese

2. Are you a Brown-Noser? ___ Yes ___ No

3. Can you pass a lie detector test? ___Yes ___ No

Date of birth: ___________________________
Favorite Drink: _________________________
Horoscope Sign: ________________________
Home Phone: ___________________________
Email Address: ________________________
Favorite Bar: ___________________________
Favorite Color: _________________________
Car Make/Color: ________________________
Cell Phone: ____________________________
Chat Handle: _________________________

Please list any emotional hang-ups that you have in the space below and include a list of meds that you take for this:
________________________________________
________________________________________

How many times a week do you bathe/shower?
___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)
___ 1-3 (when flies mistake me for a pile of shit)
___ 4-6 (high hopes of getting intimate with someone)
___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)

The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?
___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.
___ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.
___ Hire someone to fix it.
___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station’s restroom for the rest of the year.

How do you feel about washing dishes?
___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.
___ Only when company is coming.
___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.
___ I’m allergic to dish soap.
___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.

How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?
___ Can’t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor’s cat around the yard.
___ Hire a lawn care company.
___ Just set it on fire once a year.
___ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.

Which best describes your cooking?
___ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.
___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.
___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.
___ I don’t cook, I have my own personal chef.

Do you read bedtimes stories? Yes__ No__
Can you dispose of dead bodies? Yes__ No__
Do you do laundry? Yes__ No__
Do you like wearing an apron? Yes__ No__
Can you clean up vomit? Yes__ No__
Will you go to the store for tampons? Yes__ No__

Along with application please submit a cologne sample.

Signature:____________________________ Date:______________________